fallen star
by charmed4eva112
Summary: the words come out of his mouth naturally as he pretends it is his dummy speaking and not his disease. Robbie centric, some RobbieCat with a hint of RobbieJade


**Summary: **_the words come out of his mouth naturally as he pretends it is his dummy speaking and not his disease. Robbie centric, some RobbieCat with a hint of RobbieJade_

**Author's Notes: **_i am absolutely in love with Victorious right now. JadeBeck, RobbieCat, and AndreTori are my top ships, though I am fond of BeckCat, JadeAndre and AndreCat is, for some reason, growing on me. I don't ship Trina with anyone, as of yet anyways. So, I did want to write something for this show, and the character of Robbie popped into my head. I want to explore his own life and why he uses a puppet in his every day life. So, this may or may not be deep. I am also trying a different style of writing, so tell me what you think of it. _

.-.

he's always been a different child. he's born and raised in los angeles, but unlike most kids living in hollywood, he prefers to stay out of the limelight.

.-.

he is four years old when his little sister, megan, is born. they, like most siblings, don't get along at all. robbie is jealous of all the attention that megan is getting, all irony aside since he hates being thrusted into big groups. he doesn't even like to be around most people, especially people he doesn't know, yet megan is the one that gets all the attention and robbie is pushed to the side, just like he's always wanted, right? a voice taunts him in the back of his mind, though, telling him that he is useless and just can't decide what he really wants. 'you're pathetic robert. mommy and daddy don't love you' the voice tells him. even at a young age, robbie thinks he gets what is being said. he sniffles and rushes out of the room during his mommy's thirty fifth birthday party after he sees his little sister being held and caressed and him just being pushed to the side. he doesn't know what he wants, but he knows that he hates the attention that megan gets.

.-.

he's seven years old and he participates in his first play at school. it's a play written by his teacher, ms. lowes, teaching people about bullying, and robbie happens to land the lead role as the victim. it seems to suit him well. he feels invisible half the time anyways but when he gets the chance to be the lead actor, he can't help but feel pleased. jade west plays his best friend who tries to stop the bullying so they do have a lot of scenes together. jade is the prettiest seven year old he has ever met, even prettier than lucy whitmore, and she may not be the nicest person in the world, but she talks to him, which is more than he can say about other kids.

"hey jade," he says in his high pitched voice and she doesn't smile at him, but she nods in his direction and he takes it to be a good sign as the two sit with their lines, studying them minutes before the play commences. both are the best readers in the class, which makes it easier to learn their lines. he knows she is not fond of acting, but she is the best actor in the class, besides him of course, plus her own mommy apparently made her sign up for the lead. "are you ready?" he asks her. the girl doesn't answer at first, but after a few minutes of silence, she turns back to him, shrugging.

"i don't know," she finally admits. robbie nods in agreement, feeling nervous as well. this will be the first time where all eyes will be on him, and he just doesn't know if he's completely ready for it. the voice in his head tells him that he will fail and people will laugh, but he can't always think that way.

so when the lights dim and his teacher's voice comes out from on stage, he feels his palms sweat. he has to do this; he has to impress his family and he has to break out of his shell. he keeps repeating this in his head as his cue comes and he steps out on stage.

.-.

three years later, he holds a semi thick book with lines for his next play with beck oliver running lines with him. acting is his life now, and he has auditioned for any and all plays when he gets the chance to. he makes all of his school plays, and he has made a couple plays outside of school so he is very happy. megan isn't even that awesome, but then again, she is only six years old. jade is the leading lady (it seems that both are them are in all of the same plays now) but she's running late, so robbie is chilling with beck, the third member of their acting group.

"i don't get why it says for peter to jump up to try to touch the stars. everyone knows that grabbing stars is impossible," beck complains as robbie leans against his chair. his head is hurting a bit, and his hand is hurting from falling off of his bike a few days ago, so it is a little hard to concentrate, but he does nod at beck, sighing a bit.

"actually, that is a metaphor beck. everyone knows that stars can signify the past because stars of millions of years away and when they die, we won't know until thousands of years later, so it's like reaching back to your past to remember it," robbie states and beck just stares at him in disbelief. he blinks a few times in confusion as he hears footsteps and jade sits next to them, apparently hearing the conversation, scoffing.

"that's stupid. everyone knows stars are a symbol of fame and fortune and if you capture a star, you will have good luck and popularity for the rest of your life," jade tells robbie as her arm rests casually on beck. robbie swallows a bit, not liking how she says that he is wrong. he shakes his head as the voice in his head tells him that he is weak and useless and he shouldn't be taking this; he should be defending himself. but he chooses not to; instead, he just nods in agreement as he casually flips through the script to distract himself.

.-.

his parents are fighting again, and he isn't too fond of it. he sits on the top of the stairs with megan, hearing the screams vibrating throughout the house and megan clutches robbie's hand tightly. she's only eight, but she understands everything that is happening. he knows that his parents haven't been getting along in three years, but it still stings that they are yelling at each other. he feels his head pounding as the voice in his head speaks to him again. 'it's all your fault', it keeps taunting him and he squeezes his eyes shut. they both hate this, and it really sucks. suddenly, he sees his father exit out of the kitchen and move toward the stairs. he barely gives robbie a glance; instead, he storms up the stairs, grabbing megan's hand as he does so, pulling her up to her feet.

"pack your things megan. we're leaving for a little while," he says gruffly. he ignores the protests from megan while robbie looks on, confused. he looks down at his mother, who has her hand running through her hair in clear frustration. he stands up and walks down to her, looking up.

"mom, what's going on?" he asks and his mother sighs as she looks down at her twelve year old. she calmly explains that their father is going to be going away for a while and megan is going with him. he knows what that means. their parents are getting a divorce and megan is being forced to go with their father. robbie's glad it isn't him; his father has never loved him as much as his sister after all, but he doesn't want his sister to leave. he feels the voice intensify in his head and he pushes it away, as well as the budding anger. he is only a kid, after all. he has no say in any of this. he watches as his father drags the suitcases down the stairs and then grabs his sister. robbie has to do something; it is his sister that he is forcefully grabbing, after all, so he rushes forward and grabs his father's arm, tugging it as hard as he can, but all his father does is push robbie away, which doesn't help that they're on the stairs. he feels himself tumble down the stairs, landing heavily on the ground. it's not like this is the first time his father has physically harmed him, especially when he's drunk, but something inside him just snaps.

he feels himself stand up and then suddenly, everything goes all fuzzy and it all turns black.

.-.

he finds himself in the hospital when he comes around, not really processing what has happened. he finds his mother sitting by his bedside, holding his hand. she looks at him when she feels him stir and she lets out an uncontrolled sob. it is only when the doctor comes in to explain why his mother is so upset that he understands. he's never heard of dissociative identity disorder, but he has heard of multiple personality disorder which happens to be the same thing as dissociative identity disorder.

"it's very rare with adolescence robert, but it is relatively mild in young teenagers like yourself," the doctors says and as robbie listens on, he learns more than he needs to. he knows that he blacked out earlier, but that was only his 'other personality' kicking in, taking control, unlike robbie, and beating his father to a pulp while telling him off. the voice in his head is apparently his other personality that wants to come out, but because he's so young, it works a bit differently than with adults. he apparently hears the voice more than it comes out. robbie doesn't know what to think. he has another personality (the name rex just pops into his mind) that can potentially ruin his life? the doctor says the disorder had been triggered when his father wanted to take megan away, as well as all of the abuse robbie endured.

the doctor has plans for him though, that can help him control his other personality. "it's a treatment i don't use on adults but it might work with you robert. have you ever tried ventriloquism?" he asks. the next day, the doctor prescribes him a dummy to carry around so when the voice of his other personality pushes through his mind, he can use the dummy to let 'rex' out but also be conscious as well. "it's like having both personalities come out but you are witnessing them both, even if you can't control your other personality," the doctor explains. robbie is still confused and unsure of what the doctor means, but he knows he'll figure it out eventually.

he's also given medication to take, and it just makes robbie uneasy. he had always been different, hearing that voice at the back of his mind and not liking the forefront while the voice told him to go after it, and now he understands why. it just makes him feel even more isolated.

.-.

the only thing he feels he is good at is acting. carrying rex the dummy everywhere is tough, but it controls his disease. he doesn't like to tell people why he carries around the dummy, because he wants to be treated as normal as possible, but it's hard. on the plus side, his ventriloquism is turning out to be a speciality.

he gets into hollywood arts five months after his diagnosis. he carries the letter excitedly into the house, showing his mother as she smiles in delight. she takes him shopping right away for school supplies and other things that he will need. for the first time, he feels that he will be treated relatively normal. after all, hollywood arts is apparently known for its freakiness and talent, so he'll just use rex as his ventriloquist act. it also helps that jade and beck also go to hollywood arts. he's always had a crush on jade, but she's in love with beck, so he has no chance.

.-.

his first day at hollywood arts is definately scary. he meets a boy with long hair, a girl with bright red hair and a teacher that randomly likes to scare people. jade refuses to hang out with him, and beck is attached to her hip. so ultimately, the first day doesn't go as well as he hopes it will. he sits on the steps of the school with rex attached at his hip, looking at the dummy. he hears the voice wailing to come out and robbie lets rex speak out loud.

"you are so antisocial. you gotta get out there and try, man or else your days at hollywood arts are going to be absolutely miserable," rex tells him and robbie sighs, ignoring the weird looks from onlookers.

"i know rex, but it's only my first day. i'll find some friends, i promise," robbie tells rex. he hears footsteps and a female voice speak.

"aww, you are an awesome ventriloquist. you make it seem so real! your dummy looks so cute! creepy, but cute. i'm more of a doll person myself. what's his name?" the chipper voice asks and he looks up to see the red haired girl from before, cat valentine. he is a bit taken aback by her chipperness, but he manages to mutter out a "rex, his name is rex" as cat smiles happily.

"rex is a nice name. i know somebody by the name of mex, or maybe it's max," cat comments, shrugging a bit as she sits beside him. "so, how was your first day at hollywood arts? i started going here last year and it was terrifying but i got used to it. i mean, hollywood arts is for junior and senior high students and i'm only thirteen, so i'm a freshman. how about you?" she rambles and he can't help but think it's really cute, but of course, rex is the complete opposite of him so he has to speak his mind.

"none of your freaking business firecracker," rex snaps at her and robbie sees cat's eyes well up in tears. he looks a bit panicked as he glares at the dummy and turns back to cat apologetically.

"i'm sorry cat, rex didn't mean it. i, uh, we're a bit nervous today because it's our first day and it makes us both say stupid things. i'm apparently a naive thirteen year old as well," he tells her as she softens up a bit, grinning yet again.

"cool, so you'll be in some of my classes. that is so cool," she gushes, even though she knows already that they're in three out of five classes. he loves her enthusiasm; it's really awesome and it's brightening up his day. he has a feeling that cat valentine will be one of his best friends, even if rex doesn't like her at all. and suddenly, his first day isn't so bad after all.

.-.

"why is rex so mean to me?" cat asks randomly as she sits at the lunch table with robbie, rex, andre and tori, drawing on a piece of paper. he looks at her, startled as tori gazes at cat, incredulous. it's an expected question though, but robbie doesn't know how to answer it. she's made of sunshine and ponies and lives in her own little world where everything is hunky dorey, but he is made of darkness and dragons and lives in two seperate worlds, both which are complete opposites. andre glances at rex and robbie before nodding in agreement.

"yeah, why is rex so mean to people? it's like he's a completely different person or something," andre urges and robbie looks down at his feet, unable to answer the question. his eyes glance over to rex, who, of course, has to answer for the shy and startled boy.

"the question is, why aren't most of you guys likeable?" rex interjects and robbie snaps his head up as cat's eyes fills with tears again. tori looks completely offended and andre just looks confused as robbie's eyes widen in remorse.

"rex didn't mean that. i mean, he just spurts out randomness that isn't meant to be mean," he tries but tori furrows her eyebrows.

"yeah, but rex is you, so whatever he says, isn't that what you really mean?" she asks, looking for confirmation. robbie doesn't know how to answer this. he can't tell them the truth; they would think he's weird and wouldn't want to hang out with him. after all, who wants to hang out with a guy with two different personalities? then again, they have been hanging around him and a puppet, so maybe they would understand.

the silence is defeating though, and cat suddenly stands up, grabbing her things. "it's ok if you don't like me as a friend robbie. just be honest," she says before letting out a heartwreching sob and running off. tori glares at robbie while andre just shakes his head. robbie thinks about it before standing up, grabbing rex and following cat. if anyone deserves the truth, it's her. she's his very best friend, even more so than andre, and seeing her hurt just kills him.

"you don't need that weirdo as a friend," rex tells him and robbie glares darkly at his dummy.

"shut up," he tells the dummy harshly and stunned, he immediately does so. he finds cat sitting on the steps where they first had their conversation two years ago and he sits beside her. she doesn't even look at him; she just stares down at her sparkly shoes, trying not to cry. "i'm so sorry cat for what rex has said to you in the past. you're my very best friend and i don't want you getting the wrong impression," he says. cat looks up at him and he sees her confused look.

"then why does he say things like that? why do you say things like that? tori's right, you know. whatever rex says, you have to mean," she comments and robbie feels very betrayed and very vulnerable. stupid rex, he thinks as he sets the dummy down on the steps. he knows that now, he has to tell the truth. it's cat for goodness sake; she deserves every bit of the truth, even if she doesn't fully understand it. so he tells her about dissociative identity disorder and how, at his age, he hears the other personality's voice in his head and is learning to control it. he tells her that, at his age, letting 'rex' speak through the dummy is how he controls it, as long as he lets him speak whenever he wants to and it's easier to not be as weird if there's a dummy involved. he tells her how it will only get worse and later in his life, he'll black out more frequently as rex takes over his body instead of just his voice. he confesses how scared he is about people finding out and he is scared that if rex does control his body, what he'll say and do while robbie is 'away'. he tells her that when this happens, he wants to be committed so nobody will get hurt because he knows that rex is capable of anything.

cat listens intently and once he finishes, she places a soothing hand on his knee. he isn't aware that he is crying until she reaches over and brushes the tears away, smiling softly. he subconsciously lean toward her as she wraps her arms around his body. He tenses a bit before relaxing in her embrace. she smells faintly of coconuts and strawberries, and though those two aren't really supposed to go together, he is attracted to the smell. finally, robbie forces himself to pull away from her. he offers her a small smile and she offers one back. he feels his gaze being lost in her eyes for a split second until rex's voice bubbles in the back of his mind. sighing, he grabs rex and places him on his knee.

"finally, you got backbone! geez, took long enough freak," rex says, almost in approval and cat lets out a twinkling laugh as she looks at rex. robbie feels very calm and relaxed, knowing she wouldn't judge him for anything.

"hey rex? can you give robbie and i some privacy?" she asks politely and robbie frowns in confusion.

"why?" robbie asks curiously and cat just smiles as she leans forward and captures his lips with hers. their second kiss, he thinks delightfully as he sinks into the kiss, letting the dummy fall to the ground as he wraps his arms around cat.

.-.

he graduates with all of his friends. since he goes to such a prestigious school, any college he applies to accepts him. tori, beck, jade and andre head to new york university while cat and robbie stay in california to go to ucla. they both get accepted into the acting program and though it isn't nyu, it still feels good to stay near home. acting is the only thing that is keeping him sane, besides his girlfriend. rex got burnt in a fire by some jocks some months ago so robbie has a new dummy, even though it just doesn't feel right.

he's only had two blackouts in his life; the second one occurs during the summer after high school. cat was there and they were celebrating megan's fourteenth birthday. she still doesn't live with them, but she and his father flew up from santa barbara to visit. they had just been having a good time but once his parents started arguing about the present mom got megan, well, robbie completely blacked out. he only came to hours later to find the house completely destroyed and his father on the way to the hospital from a knife to the chest. he had been horrified and wanted to be committed immediately but with cat's convincing, he now goes to therapy three times a week and takes his medication faithfully as well as using his new dummy, rex 2.0.

acting takes him away from the real world, and that is all what he needs. people think it's weird that he carries a dummy but he doesn't care because it makes him feel better. the words come out of his mouth naturally as he pretends it is his dummy speaking and not his disease. it's easier to believe that he is acting instead of it being his other personality.

.-.

cat and robbie move into an apartment together a couple of years later. she is a complete neat freak, and he is the messiest person ever, but they balance each other out by sharing the chores. it definately works out, even though robbie still feels uneasy. he's twenty years old and he knows the dummy treatment won't work for much longer. cat sticks by him, though, and supports him. after all, he supported her when she got diagnosed with bipolar disorder. he's stuck by every one of his friends. he stuck by andre when his sister got killed in a train crash, he stuck by jade when beck cheated on her, he stuck by beck when he was arrested, and he definately stuck by tori when she got pregnant with andre's child at the mere age of nineteen.

he has a feeling that it won't be long until he's committed in a mental hospital.

.-.

they graduate from college and cat and robbie move to new york. cat is planning to audition for broadway and robbie just wants to support his fiancee. robbie spends a week fixing up the place while cat prepares for her audition. he starts working on finding a job while she works on rehearsals. soon, it is rare that they see each other, as robbie is an assistant at a law firm. it's not his ideal job, but it's better than nothing. he usually comes home to an empty apartment but it's all worth it. it has to be all worth it. he does have his 'episodes', but luckily they aren't too bad. thank goodness.

.-.

he misses cat's opening night because of an 'episode'. rex decides after a few months to finally come out and play. the next thing he knows, he's in an alleyway with some poor, innocent girl shaking with her clothes strewn everywhere. it's the worst possible scenario he can think of as he looks at her, horrified. he lets the girl go, apologizing as babbled words come out of his mouth as she runs off, horrified. he trudges home, shaking as he makes it, sitting on the floor, shaking. he feels empty, unlike himself. he's only a shell of what he used to be. he wishes he could be normal.

he wishes he was just robbie.

.-.

"i can't do it," cat sobs as she stands with robbie and the rest of their friends in the parking lot of the mental hospital. robbie smiles softly, stroking her cheek softly. andre and tori, with their little boy timothy, watch on in sadness, beck and jade standing apart from each other, looking remorseful and even trina is there (she had been with tori when they got the call).

"remember what i told you in high school? i'm terrified of what rex will do and i was right to worry. i r-raped an innocent girl cat, and i almost killed my own father. i'm a menace, a danger to new york. i told you if anything bad happened, i wanted to be committed. i don't want you to worry though; i'll be alright, and so will you," he tells her gently. cat refuses to look at him. her eyes remain on the ground as she continues to cry silently. he finally forces her to look up at him as her eyes widen. he gives her a small smile. "i love you cat valentine, and i want to marry you, but until i can get this under control, if i can, we have to be apart," he continues. she shakes her head in denial.

"no, no, please no! you'll never come out and i'll never be with you," she cries out. he pecks her forehead lovingly, stroking her hair.

"listen, i understand if you don't visit, i really do. i probably won't get out, and that's ok. you'll find somebody that loves you with all of their heart and can be a better man that i could ever be. but i want you to move on from me, you understand?" he asks her firmly. she finally nods as he wipes her tears away, kissing her lips softly. "if i get this under control and if i can control rex, i might be able to get out, but i don't want you waiting for me, because it might be a while. promise me, alright?" he tells her. it takes her a full ten minutes but she finally nods in agreement.

"i promise. i love you so much robbie shapiro," she whispers as they embrace. he squeezes her tightly, burying his face into her shoulder.

"i love you too cat valentine," he whispers back. they finally pull away and robbie looks at all of his friends that have come to support him. he gives them all a hug, whispering soothing messages into their ears before cat walks him into the mental hospital. saying goodbye is the hardest thing to do, but he knows it is the right thing. just before he is taken away, cat gives him one more hug.

"i promise that we will all come to visit. you won't be forgotten robbie, i promise. i love you so very much," she tells him once more. another kiss on the lips and finally, he sees cat disappear. his heart feels empty once more before he feels rex take over, clearly not wanting to be there.

.-.

he feels empty all the time now, but cat never breaks her promise. though it isn't often, he sees his friends at least once a month. cat is busy with broadway along with tori and andre, and beck and jade have two seperate jobs but have gotten back together but they all manage to come in at least once a month to inform him on what is going on. tori and andre get married eventually and raise timothy and his six year younger sister, rebecca and are doing well, beck and jade eventually get married and raise their only son, kyle, and even trina finds a guy and marries him. as for cat? she never stops loving him but does meet a nice guy, hunter, and gets engaged to him.

now, forty year old robbie sits in his room at the mental hospital, heavily medicated. rex has grown up as well and has gotten worse, and robbie knows that he won't be getting out of here at all, but that's ok. he looks out the window one night and stares at the stars, a memory suddenly popping into his head

_"actually, that is a metaphor beck. everyone knows that stars can signify the past because stars of millions of years away and when they die, we won't know until thousands of years later, so it's like reaching back to your past to remember it." _he remembers this from years ago, telling this to beck when they were ten. he lets his hand reach up to the bars, letting his fingers rest on the window as he stares at the twinkling lights. memories were so hazy for him nowadays because of the medication and because of rex, but the memories that he does remember are good and pure, and he certainly never wants to forget them.

.-.

_**Ok, so that's the end. What do you guys think? I know it started getting really dark and stuff at the end, and I didn't mean for that to happen, I just kind of started writing and this was produced. Do you guys like it? I researched about dissociative identity disorder (aka multiple personality disorder) and I don't know if adolesence can get it, but nonetheless, I put that. It was either making Robbie have DID, or be schizophrenic, and I was torn for a bit, but I ultimately went with DID because it seems that his puppet seems to the be exact opposite instead of just a voice. **_

**_Don't worry. If you guys want another Victorious oneshot, I'll write one that may or may not be so dark. _**


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